And The Man Cleaves To His Wife



By Jomike del Rosario; Photographs by Compass Images



Prep Tips and Tricks

Pitch in on mounting the biggest production of your life with these I do's and I don'ts

1. I do take care of the honeymoon. Be romantic.
2. I don't go for a buffet when there are too many guests or if the reception is very formal.
3. I do get rested a week before the wedding. Two words: honeymoon stamina.
4. I don't have it in writing that we want cash gifts. Be subtle: say you have a fully-furnished future home.
5. I do send out ALL the invitations a month before so guests can schedule and get gifts that don't suck.
6. I don't get a videographer and photographer whose work I wouldn't bother looking at 10 years down the line


Before you can call her the old ball and chain–not to her face of course– you have to get through the wedding day and its preparation. That process itself may lead to (totally unnecessary) bloodshed, with all the avenues for arguments and stressful situations man and bride-to-be will face. We explore the ins and outs of the biggest day of your life to help you dance your way around those pitfalls, straight into the arms of your extremely ecstatic bride.

"Preparing for the wedding is a pretty good way of learning about your partner," says Allan Dionisio, MD, a premarital and marital family counselor. If you thought you could see into the very depths of her soul, think again. Once that engagement ring slips onto her finger, prepare to see an entirely new side of her. "From the time hormones start kicking in at the age of 13, she's already dreaming about her wedding day," Dr. Dionisio says. To make it even more of a challenge, Dr. Dionisio claims that the longer she stays single, the loftier those dreams get. Can you sense the potential for conflict or worse, utter disappointment here? No worries, buddy—just read on and give your girl The Day she'll tell your grandchildren about.

Wedding Preparations, The Fight-Free Way

Of all the aspects of the preparations, the budget is a hot zone for arguments. "A lot of arguments usually arise because the couple is not clear on this. Usually, the girl thinks the guy is being extra-stingy while the guy thinks the girl is splurging on a one-day event," notes Winnie Lee-Natividad, general manager of

The Wedding Library (www.weddinglibrary.com.ph), a one-stop shop for access to anything wedding- and honeymoon-related.

The key to staying within budget and fulfilling your fiancé's wishes is not to fight about cost, but talk about values. "The thing about a budget is it reflects your values," Dr. Dionisio explains. "The way you spend your money reflects the things that are important to you." So don't tell her, "Ang mahal naman!" Instead, ask her what it is about the object in question she wants to spend on. If you agree with her point, then maybe you spend a bit more. If not, you can find a compromise between your values and hers, say a less extravagant cake, but a bigger hotel room to frolic in after. That way, instead of a power struggle, an understanding is reached. Something to make you loosen up: You will make up some of the expenses when you get those fat checks from your ninongs and ninangs. It's tacky to mention, but it is true.

The second issue you'll have to hurdle is time management. Things do get quite hectic when planning is in full swing. The solution? Delegate. If you can afford a wedding planner, then by all means, do get one. If not, get family or wedding entourage members to help you out. That way, you get to spend more time relaxing with your ladylove before the wedding instead of running around like a headless chicken.

Simplifying things a bit wouldn't hurt, either. Just remember that what really matters is the 10 minutes it takes to exchange vows and be pronounced man and wife. The rest is just window-dressing, Dionisio says.

The Ceremony

The day itself will go by like life was set to fast-forward. Although it'll seem like a mad rush toward the aisle, no matter what you do, the day will be much more enjoyable if you're prepared. Be like Batman and bring along a utility belt stocked with: Band-Aids (for calluses), breath mints or gum (for nervous chewing and minty freshness), tissues, water, a mini-stapler (for on-the-fly clothing fixes and alterations), powder (to avoid oily noses and foreheads), and antacid. Have your best man keep it somewhere nearby so you can access it anytime. During the ceremony, agree with your bride on how to say the vows so you can both read or memorize it. That way, you don't feel like a dolt when she stares in your eyes and gives herself to you, word for memorized word while you shakily hold on to the program. Also, don't forget to smile, it's not called a celebration of love for nothing. And if your emotions surge, don't be afraid of a little guy cry. Paolo Mendoza, who got married in December 2006, recalls how he got so emotional, "Mom ko nasa likod ko umiiyak, mother-in-law ko umiiyak din. Tapos sobrang grand entrance pa si Chers! (his wife) Umikot yung sikmura ko. Ang sakit ta-laga! Di ko alam kung ano yun, stomach cramps yata o baka nag-hyperventilate ako. Kaya yata ako naiyak kasi ang sakit ng tiyan ko e! (laughs)"

The Reception

On the way to the reception, grab a quick bite: chicken nuggets and a shake, for instance. Being newly-married, alas, means not getting to eat on your wedding day. "Nung dinner, soup lang," Mendoza reveals. "Di kami naka-dinner kasi sobrang busy sa program and pag-entertain ng guests." Why the protein-packed snack? The protein helps absorb booze, which means a more vigorous you after the wedding. Lucky girl.

At the reception, make it more entertaining for guests by setting aside a budget for prizes during the bouquet and garter toss. That way, guests want to join in instead of making a mass pee-pee break when the event is announced. For the first dance, try doing it differently: Dance something fast and choreographed, ala Dirty Dancing; have her dad, then yours, then you dance with the bride to make it an "aww-shucks" moment. Don't be scared to get creative—your guests will appreciate it.

Also, prepare a speech for your bride as a surprise. Give her another bouquet of flowers then tell her in front of everyone (again) how great she is and how lucky you are. It will make the crowd, your new in-laws, and her swoon so hard they'd think they were trees and you were a gale-force typhoon. One last tip: If your drunken uncle starts to make a commotion, have the photographer pull him aside for a picture—outside. Crisis averted.

Wedding Night Sex!

The first thing to keep in mind is that wedding night sex is not a 'shebang' type of sex, it's more of a 'she-love' thing. Dr. Dionisio recommends not getting your moves from porn, but from a fact-based book on sex. Get a copy together, one she won't cringe to look at while pointing out the things you want to try out. There's no rush—you have the whole night to experiment.

We told you before that weddings are the girl's perfect day. Her dopamine and epinephrine–her feel-good chemicals, are going to be at an all-time high. She'll be open to getting, as well as giving pleasure. Spice it up with some edible oils, undies, and body-toppings (available at The Wedding Library branches) because you'll be hungry after the reception. Ask the hotel staff to sprinkle your room with rose petals. And buy nice bath products. That night will set the tone for your married sex life, so set the bar high.

In the morning you'll wake up and find your wife looking down at you with that smile. The one you fell for. Take a bow—you've just given her the wedding of her dreams.

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