By Ellie Tennant; Photographs by Antoine Verglas
For now, you can only have one
Body language hollers a whole lot louder than the spoken word does—"Nine times louder," says Susan Quilliam, sex therapist and author of Body Language (Carlton). But that's not much use for the fun-minded festive male if he can't pick up what it is a woman is telling him when she's not precisely telling him anything. Let us explain…
POINTING YOUR WAY
Is she coming on to you?
YES
The moment your eyes meet across a crowded party room, it's time to take a peek at her feet. "Her toe or leg aimed in your direction is a non-verbal indicator that says she's interested," says Quilliam. This is especially true if she changes position so that her pins are angled towards you.
And there's more: according to psychologist Marco Pacori, if a woman is aroused, she may flex the muscles in her feet and get a "toe erection." Pacori believes that if a woman's big toe is raised while her other toes remain aligned, she's expressing the need for sexual release.
Toe-pointing isn't the only telltale sign her lower half could be giving off. While your eyes are drawn to that area, have a look at her legs. Women cross their legs in order to look more seductive and slimmer. "Crossed legs will often mean that a woman is ‘displaying' her talents to a man," adds Quilliam.
EYEING YOU UP
Is she coming on to you?
YES
Follow her eyes. If she looks from eye to eye across your nose, she's not interested in you (similarly if she looks over your shoulder at the Johnny Depp lookalike behind you). But, says Quilliam, if her eyes constantly move from eye to eye then to your mouth and back again, she certainly feels friendly towards you. If her focus is more on your eyes, her interest is romance; if it's on your mouth, passion is on her mind.
If you're still not sure, flutter your eyelashes at her. "When we like someone our blink rate increases," says Quilliam. "If you do it first and she mirrors you, it's a sign she's attracted to you.
DRUMMING HER FINGERS
Is she coming on to you?
NO
She's smiling and laughing an unmistakably flirtations way but her hands reveal her true feelings. "Drumming fingers is what we call an ‘escape movement'; it's a sign that she doesn't want to be there," says Quilliam. Either that or it's Lars Ulrich in drag. The only move to make if this happens to you is to head in the other direction or turn your attention to making music with another woman at the party.
The same advice is valid for these non-verbal signs: turning away from you; checking her mobile; kissing her boyfriend.
COPYCAT MOVES AND A SOFT TOUCH
Is she coming on to you?
YES
"'Mirroring' is a sign of rapport," explains Quilliam. "It's often an indication of attraction—especially in a flirting situation like an office party." If you lean against the bar and she follows suit, or if you gesticulate with your hands and she begins to do the same, she's mirroring your body movements.
Touching is significant, too. As Quilliam says, "People often make excuses to touch each other because it's not acceptable in our society simply to reach out and do so. But 'accidental' touching is a positive signal for a man to look out for." So if she rests her leg against yours, or pretends to pluck a hair or a piece of fluff from your jacket, don't be fooled into thinking that these are innocent actions. She wants to get festive with you, and she's making excuses to enter your personal space. Reciprocate and she's yours.
HAIR SHE GOES
Is she coming on to you?
YES
Check out the chick who's grooming her plumage! This woman's screaming out for Christmas nookie. "Flicking hair back from the face is a 'display gesture,' a sign that she's interested,"says Quilliam. Watch out for girls with retro '80s long-fringe hair-dos, however. These women can't actually see unless they regularly flick their hair out of the way.
Keep an eye on clothing adjustment, too. Jennifer Aniston's character Rachel, from Friends, once revealed her favorite flirtation tip to Joey: as she walks away from a man she's interested in, she deliberately straightens her skirt over her pert behind, drawing his eyes to her best asset. Look out for similar attention-grabbing tactics.
Glass-stroking is important, too. "When a woman touches or caresses an object, it's very often a sign that she wants to touch the person she's with."
STICKING HER NECK OUT
Is she coming on to you?
YES
When a long-haired lass goes to the trouble of exposing her nape, this is your green light to approach. With the exception of Anne Boleyn, women love a man who'll get close to their neck—it's a highly sensitive erogenous zone—and by exposing it she's subconsciously inviting you come in closer.
If she touches it, she's trying to draw your attention to it. And by raising her arm to do so she's adding some lift to her breasts. Okay, that's not an obvious "come-on" sign but it's a bonus.
LIP SERVICE
Is she coming on to you?
YES
What about that babe from IT you've had your eye on? She's nibbling the tip of her finger or slowly licking her lips. Dude, you're in. "A woman draws attention to her mouth in order to make herself more attractive. She's making her lips fuller, and she's showing her tongue, which is a very intimate part of her anatomy," says Quilliam.
Psychologist Helen Fisher goes further: "If a woman applies a lot of lipgloss when she's attracted to a man, it stimulates the physical changes and lubrication of the genital area."
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