Play your hand right, you'll get lucky.
Here's what I remember about the best one-night stand of my life: everything but his name. He was a bartender-slash-actor who rode a beat-up motorcycle, but I didn't find that out until after his jeans came off. It started in a bar. He sat down next to my girlfriend and me—we were having a giggly girls' night out—stared in the other direction, and didn't say a word.
After 10 minutes, he asked if I would watch his stuff while he went outside to make a call. When he came back, he grimaced like De Niro and thanked me very politely. By that point, I was already curious about whom he had called, what was in his faded leather bag, and why he wouldn't smile. So I asked if he was having a bad day. Within a couple of hours, we were naked in bed together. And then he was gone.
To this day, I have to admire how smooth he was, because great one-night stands are tough to pull off. Plenty can go wrong between the first long look and the next-day e-mail. This is what you need to know to do it exactly right. You can thank me in the morning.
WHERE TO FIND HER
Weddings, for one. "Seeing two people completely in love, combined with an open bar, always gets my hormones raging," says my friend Katie, who admits to slipping out of her sister's reception with a member of the catering staff. Other events and places that rev up the female libido include vacations, holidays, birthday bashes (especially our own), dance clubs, balmy summer nights, and disastrous incidents (personal or global) that inspire us to seize the moment as well as the nearest man.
Don't look here: Work events can buzz with sexual tension, but few women are willing to taint their professional reputations by giving the office something to snicker about. Dinner parties are too pro-per, and family get-togethers are out of the question. No girl thinks about sex when Uncle Nick's butt cracks a smile every time he reaches for a bocce ball.
HOW SHE ACTS
A girl with naked Twister on her mind is usually trying to be noticed. "If I want to hook up, I'll be at the bar, on the dance floor, and frequently circling the room trying to make eye contact with a hot guy," says my friend Sophie. Look for the women who are clearly out to have fun, who are laughing their butts off, who are dancing on the dirty side, and who keep glancing around the room to see who glances back. There's no guarantee that they're out to get laid, but there's no harm in introducing yourself and finding out.
Walk away: That girl in the corner, sipping Shiraz? Not in the mood to make out with a stranger.
WHAT SHE WANTS
Women like to be pursued, but in the land of one-night stands, most of us prefer to play the seductress. It's our way of turning the stereoty-pical one-nighter paradigm on its head—taking "advantage" of the man for a change.
Let her lead: Stow your witty pickup line. You're better off with something straightforward, like "Hi, I'm Jeff." "A hookup is the one time a girl will judge a guy 95 percent by his looks," says Katie. But relax, that doesn't have to mean flawless looks: "A great smile and muscular shoulders can be very persuasive." Work your warm vibe and back it up with stylish (but not too slick) clothes, direct eye contact, and a clean, manly scent. Linger in her vicinity, respond when she flirts. But, for the first few stages, let her take the lead.
WHAT YOU WANT
If you want to call yourself a gentleman—and ward off any chance that your hookup will start phoning you 50 times a day—make this clear: You're not looking for a girlfriend. "All a guy has to do is make it clear that he's far too busy for a relationship these days, or that he loves being single," says Sophie. "That way he eliminates any idea a girl might have that their one night of fun will lead to anything more substantial." No doubt the woman is perfectly aware of this, but it's better to be clear than to be called a bastard.
Manage expectations: Your declaration must happen long before your pants hit the floor. Otherwise, she might fall for you somewhere between the first kiss and the final thrust.
WHEN YOU KNOW
How can you tell if the game is on? It's when she suggests—or agrees with your suggestion—that you go to another bar (that quieter one down the road). Here's how the woman's mind is working, as explained by Katie: "It brings you one step closer to going home together, but provides a little buffer that makes the whole thing feel more in control."
Shut up and kiss her: Once you've reached the new, preferably dark and loungey locale, the first kiss is only a drink away. "I love it when a guy leans very close to me and pauses," says Sophie. "Then we both come in for the kiss." Thus begins a long and hot public display of affection, after which one of you will ask if you should go someplace private.
HOW TO BEHAVE (OR NOT)
Your best bet is to go to her place, not yours. She'll be more comfortable, and you'll have the option of splitting before dawn. Small talk is a buzz kill; compliments are okay. Tell her that she's beautiful and incredibly sexy, then let the kissing and undressing begin—as in the second you walk through the door. You're both in this for the sex, so make it adventurous.
Just do it: Use a condom, of course, and no spanking, backdoor entry, kinky toys, or uncomfortable positions (unless she makes a specific request). Go with the standard stuff, plus plenty of enthusiastic squeezing, licking, sucking, stroking, rubbing, moaning, and maybe even a little pinching.
WHEN TO LEAVE
Ask her straight out whether she wants you to stay the night or make yourself scarce.
Tell the truth: Tell her you had a great time. Don't say, "I'll call you," or, "Maybe we can see each other again," if it isn't true. And if you want to earn a spot on her booty-call list—or be the type of one-night wonder she might recommend to a friend—send her a single e-mail the next day saying that last night was amazing and that she should feel free to contact you if she ever wants to "do it" again.
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