One day in court...

District Attorney: Would you please state your age to the court for the record?

Little Old Lady: I am 86-years-old.

DA: Will you tell us in your own words what happened on the night in question?

LOL: I was sitting on my porch swing on a warm spring evening, when a young man sits down beside me.
DA: Did you know him?

LOL: No, but he sure was friendly.

DA: What happened after he sat down beside you?
LOL: Well, he started to rub my thighs.

DA: Did you stop him?
LOL: No, I didn’t.

DA: Why not?
LOL: It felt good. Nobody has done that since my husband passed away 30 years ago.

DA: Then what happened?

LOL: He started to rub my breasts.

DA: Did you stop him then?

LOL: NO!

DA: Why not?

LOL: Well, Your Honor, his rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I hadn’t felt that good in years.

DA: What happened next?
LOL: Well, I started to feel spicy that I said to him, “You hot thing, please take me and  enter me.”

DA: And did he take you?
LOL: No. That’s when he yelled “April Fools!”…And that’s when I shot him.
 
Capricorn29, by email

Illustration: Sonny Ramirez