Photographs by Jason Tablante
Best Gifts For Her
4 NEW PLACES TO DO IT
On the Washer
Your washing machine produces more vibration than any other appliance in your home. Problem is, most people don't use it right. You should be the one with your butt on the lid. The motion will be transmitted through your pelvis, essentially turning your member into a life-size vibrator. Run a warm-water load so the top won't be cold.
In the Vault
To really add some spice to your sex life, make a quick stop at your bank. A safe-deposit-box room is quiet, the door is locked, and there's no camera. It's a great place to make a deposit and withdraw.
In a Beanbag Chair
A beanbag chair is great for sex. You can contour it to any shape, and it'll support you in ways you're not accustomed to. Doggy-style sex works great when she's on her belly, draped over the amorphous blob (the chair, not you). Stick a couple of thick books under the bag to prevent sinking in too far.
During Christmas at the In-Laws'
There's only one thing that might make the marathon holiday family visits bearable: a little covert sex. Here's the best way to pull it off: Bring the kids' gifts—wrapped, but in a bag. Say you haven't wrapped them yet and duck into a spare room. Have fun with the bows.
Try These 2 Positions
The Cowgirl
You lean back with your shoulders against the foot of the bed and your feet on the floor, supporting the bulk of your weight. She straddles your midsection and uses her legs to thrust. Even if she’s never been the jockey type, she’ll have a hard time resisting this invitation to ride. Not only does she control the angle, speed, depth, and rhythm of the thrusts, but because she supports her own weight, she also has complete freedom of movement. One caution: Some women get weak in the knees during orgasm, so brace yourself for a little extra weight once she peaks. After you master this, try the reverse cowgirl.
The Mindblower
Have her lie on her back across the bed, with her head and shoulders dangling over the edge. (Make sure she keeps as much of her lower back on the mattress as possible, and stop if she gets too light-headed.) Enter her slowly, and show some restraint when you thrust—you don’t want to knock her onto the floor. Anytime you turn your head upside-down, you’ll feel a rush as blood pours in. This head rush, combined with physical pleasure, can heighten orgasm for some women.
First, Tell Her What She Wants to Hear
The top three things women like to hear most from men are...
1. "I can't wait to see you."
2. "I love waking up with you."
3. "I brought you something."
Find Something at the Last Minute
Stop at a drugstore. Buy a decorative gift bag and stuff it with as many bath products as you can find (bubble bath, sponge, shampoo, lotion). Attach a note that says, "Tonight, your body is in my hands." Flash your eye-brows, wink, and head for the bath. (She'll faint with pleasure, especially if you've cleaned the tub, too.)
Go to a video store and rent the first movie you ever watched together at a theater. She'll be so touched you remember that she won't even notice that this gift cost you squat. Make popcorn, drink wine, and see if that old stretch-your-arm-around-her-shoulder trick still works.
Pick her up after work, but don't tell her where you're going. Then take her on a tour of places that are special to the two of you—the bar where you had your first date, the park where you dropped the L-bomb, the parking lot where you dropped your virginity. At each spot, reminisce about your relationship. Memories are almost as good for her as ESPN Classic is for you.
How to Boost Your Penis Power
Exercise Control
Kegels are exercises that give some men stiffer erections and more control over ejaculation by strengthening the muscles of the pelvic floor. Here's the program: First, find the right muscles: the ones you use to stop your urine flow. Then squeeze and hold them tight. Half of your contractions can be brief; hold the rest for three seconds. No one will know you're doing Kegels, so you can do them anywhere. Start with a few and work toward 200 a day. After doing Kegels for a few months, your pelvic muscles will be strong enough to prevent ejaculation if you squeeze them just before the urge to ejaculate.
Put Some Jelly on Your Head
If condoms reduce your sensation too much, try putting a dab of water-based lubricant (such as K-Y Jelly) or spermicidal jelly on the head of your penis before donning the condom. The lubricant will create a more natural-feeling sensation. Never use oil-based lubricants such as petroleum jelly, baby oil, or mineral oil. They can destroy latex.
Lick Erection Problems
A healthy man normally has from three to five erections while sleeping, though these decrease in frequency after age 50 or so. Presumably, all the psychological and emotional stresses surrounding sex are absent when you're asleep. So if you're getting good nocturnal erections, any performance problems you're having are psychological. To run a systems check on your equipment, wrap postage stamps around the base of your penis and secure the ends together. If the stamps are torn along a perforation the next morning, everything is working correctly. If you wake up in a post office in Batanes, someone has played a cruel joke on you.
Smell Her Buns
It's not the smell of fancy perfume or coconut suntan lotion that turns men on. It's the scent of baked cinnamon buns. That was the conclusion of neurologists following a unique experiment in which they monitored penile bloodflow in 25 medical students while the students sniffed different smells. The experimenters exposed the students to a wide range of fragrances, from lily-of-the-valley to rose to musk, but found that cinnamon buns turned men on most. The scents of pumpkin pie, doughnuts, and black licorice also ranked high. Researchers speculate the smells may evoke a nostalgic memory that relaxes a man, making him more aware of sexual cues.
Don't Take Viagra with a Big Meal
To avoid turning your little blue pill into an expensive Lifesaver, wait at least 90 minutes after a lavish dinner to take it. High-fat foods prevent you from fully absorbing Viagra. Men who complained that Viagra didn't work usually had taken it soon after a fatty meal.
Eight Ways to Drive Her Wild
Find Her G-Spot
The G-spot is located inside the vagina on the forward wall (toward the navel). When stimulated, the G-spot swells to about a piso's size and has the puffy consistency of a marshmallow. To find it, insert a finger and curl it toward you, in a kind of "come hither" motion.
Hum during Oral Sex
Anytime you touch the skin with something vibrating, you transmit sensation to a wider area than you would through simple stroking. So relax your lips (think Mick Jagger) and hum a tune (maybe "Brown Sugar") as you bring the outermost portion of your kisser in contact with her vaginal lips.
Lick, Then Blow
By licking her nipples, private parts, and neck, then blowing on the wet patches you've created, you can generate a sexy tingle that'll drive your woman wild. To make her head spin even more, use alcohol. It evaporates more quickly than water or saliva, producing a greater cooling effect.
Hide the Honey
You're blindfolded; she hides a dab of honey somewhere on her body. You try to find it—using only your tongue.
Lose the Tie
A necktie is the one article of men's clothing that women love most. The way the silk feels against her skin, the way it smells after being tied around your neck all day. Mmm. So take it off and rub it against her skin, or, even better, use it to cover her eyes. She won't be able to anticipate where or when your next kiss or touch is coming, so every touch will feel more intense.
Turn On a Black Light
A black light positioned near the bed really helps start things cooking. It gives naked bodies a sexy-looking tan without either of you having to destroy your skin by baking in the sun. They're available at any home store.
Play the Alphabet Game
Make capital letters with your tongue very slowly on her clitoris. See if you can make it to M.
Shower Her with Flowers
Put flower petals on top of the blades of a ceiling fan. Turn it on when she lies down.
Best Pickup Strategies Ever
Touch Her, Then Stop
Still not sure if she's interested? If you've made it to a second round of drinks, initiate contact by touching her arm several times during the next 15 minutes. Then abruptly stop all physical contact. If she's attracted to you, she'll fire a few strokes your way as soon as she realizes you've stopped touching her. Touch is a very important part of courtship. If she touches you back, it's a good sign.
Approach the Amazon
Don't know how to break the ice with that gym babe? Ask her to show you how to do a particular exercise or operate a certain machine. She'll be flattered.
Deliver the Perfect Compliment
"You're beautiful" isn't a compliment. "Nice set of helmets" isn't a compliment. Compliment her on what she's made, not on what God's made. "Lovely dress," "Terrific memo," "Incredible insight," "Great joke!" And don't overdo it. Once is enough. Every compliment after the first one takes away half the value of its predecessor.
Bring a Fake Date
If you have a great-looking female friend, by all means show her off. There are few things more attractive to a woman than the fact that other women are attracted to you. In a study, when people were asked to judge men based on photographs of them with "spouses" of differing attractiveness, unattractive men paired with good-looking women were routinely rated most favorably in terms of status.
Find Women with Jobs
To locate a high proportion of good-looking (if somewhat bitter and humorless) women, eat and drink in the area surrounding the courthouse. Law offices harbor an astonishing number of female lawyers, paralegals, and legal secretaries. All of 'em eat. Runnerup: hospital cafeterias. (Nurses. Lots of nurses.)
Guess Her Age
Have her punch her age into a calculator. Then have her multiply it by 7, then multiply that product by 1,443. Have her hand the calculator to you. Her age will be repeated three times. Watch: 28 (age) x 7 = 196; 196 x 1,443 = 282,828.
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