Mama mia!

A man is approached by a co-worker at lunch and invites him out for few beers after work. The man says his wife would never go for it—that she does not allow him to go drinking with the guys after work. The co-worker suggests a way to overcome that problem: “When you get home tonight, sneak into the house, slide down under the sheets, gently pull down your wife’s panties, and give her oral sex. Women love it, and believe me, she’ll never mention that you were out late with the boys.” The man agrees to try it, goes out and enjoys himself. Later that night, he sneaks into the house, slides down under the sheets, gently slides down his wife’s panties, and gives her oral sex.She moans and groans with pleasure, but after a little while, he realizes he has to take a leak. He tells her he’ll be right back, gets out of bed and walks down the hall to the bathroom. When he opens the door and goes in, he sees his wife sitting on the toilet. “How the hell did you get in here?” he asks. “Shhhhh!!!” she replies. “Mom’s visiting. You might wake her up!”

Trainspotting

You can call me a two-timer. One night, I accompanied my ”back-up” girlfriend to Cubao. We took the MRT. There were no seats around so my “back-up” girlfriend wrapped her arms around my waist. Somewhere between the Ortigas and Shaw stations, I caught this familiar girl staring at me. Before I realized who she was, she shouted, “Sino yang kasama mo?” It was my girlfriend! But the plot was going to be more twisted than I had expected:There’s another set of arms wrapped around her! I blurted back, “Ano? Eh sino yang kasama mo?” “Ex ko lang yun; wag mo pansinin! Inggit lang sa iyo yun kasi mas maganda ka sa kanya,” I told my “back-up” girlfriend. My “girlfriend” yelled back, “Ex mo? Talaga? Excuse me!” She and her other boyfriend went down the train at the next station. As the door closed, she showed me her middle finger from the outside of the train. That’s the last time I ever saw her. After the incident, I swore I wouldn’t be a two-timer anymore.

Carpet licker tingles with shame

I’m a lesbian with a very wonderful, though utterly embarrassing, story to share with you guys that happened two years ago. My girl and I were having a DVD marathon at my place. In the middle of one movie, caught in the throes of cuddling and groping, we buttered ourselves up for a bout of quickie sex. But as I was licking and eating her delicious cabbage, the door suddenly opened and to my surprise, it was my mom and a friend of ours.There they were at the door, staring at us in a most uncomfortable way. My mom—I didn’t know how in the world she was able to come up with the words—suddenly blurted out: “Okay lang yan. Mapupunta na kayo sa langit.” It was the most awkward moment of my life.

Chicken Run!

I am a lesbian and a punk. Last summer, I went to my aunt in the province for a vacation. It was there that I met and made friends with Mariana, my aunt’s helper in her poultry business. She’s only 16 and very pretty. One day I accompanied her to the chicken house to gather some eggs to be sold. No one was around inside the poultry house, save the chickens and us. A crazy idea entered my freaking mind. I took my iPod out and showed Mariana some music videos that I downloaded. She was enjoying herself when I suddenly opened a video showing two lesbians fucking each other. She never complained and continued to watch the video. But she became quiet and her face turned red. After the video I gave her a naughty smile and asked her: “Nag-enjoy ka ba?” She answered me with a slight nod not knowing what to say.I dared myself to see how far and how hot this provinciana would go. I started kissing her lips. I cupped her breasts, fondled them. She just stood there but I could tell she was nervous. I whispered in her ears: “Okay lang yan, gayahin natin.” I hiked her skirt up, inserted my hand inside her panties and began to stroke her pussy. She closed her eyes, bit her lips and held on to me. I let her sit down on a bamboo bench and spread her legs. I observed she was very wet and waiting to be licked, so I began to do so. It was one hell of a scene, me eating this cutie’s hot pussy while inside the poultry with chickens around us as our witnesses. She reached her first orgasm, and I smiled as it entered my mind that I just ate the best chick in the province.

Stripped

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was determined to keep the ranch, so she placed an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. Three cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other two were drunks. She soon decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. So one day, the widow told him, “You’ve done a really good job. You should go into town and kick up your heels.” The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night. He returned at around 2:30AM.Upon entering the room, he found the rancher’s widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine. She quietly called him over to her: “Unbutton my blouse and take it off,” she said. Trembling, he did as she directed. “Now take off my boots.” He did, ever so slowly. “Now take off my socks.” He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots. “Now take off my skirt.” He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the firelight. “Now take off my bra.” She then looked at him and said, “If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you’re fired!” 

Truly, madly, briefly

I had a spontaneous drinking session with a friend one time at his house. Since we drank late into the night, I decided to sleep over. The next day, my friend told me his classmates were coming over to work on a school project. So I borrowed clothes from him and took a shower while he went out to buy merienda. When I finished taking a bath, I realized he didn’t lend me underwear! I tried searching his room but couldn’t find where he kept his knickers so I decided to go commando under his basketball shorts. His classmates knocked earlier than expected . I opened the door and they started on their project on the floor. I joined them and helped them out, even talked and had a laugh with a couple of his cute friends. While sitting on the floor, I noticed one girl staring at you-know-where. When I looked down, I saw that the shorts I was wearing had a hole in it! I didn’t even try to analyze how much of my dick was showing when I stood up and went to the bathroom. I put on my pants and sneaked out the house. To this day I keep running the scene on loop in my head, trying to figure out who else might’ve seen my peeping penis.

Kinky Love

I have the coolest and weirdest boyfriend. He is my first in everything and we’ve done it almost everywhere. And he’s not a jealous guy; he even permits me to go on dates with my suitors for as long as I tell him everything. One time he asked if I wanted to try having sex with another guy, but on one condition: I would let him watch. I agreed and picked one of my suitors—the guy who always asked if we could have one-night-stand whenever we had a conversation. The lucky guy picked me up at our meeting place, and after taking me to dinner, we went to his car. Inside he asked if I could give him a kiss, so I kissed him. Without saying a thing he touched my breasts. He unzipped his pants and pulled my head towards his cock. I had no choice but to give him head—but only for a few seconds so he’d feel bitin. He agreed that we do it in my place, and there we went. After I closed the door, he grabbed and kissed me, his hands sliding all over me.The thrill made me soaking wet. We went to my room; there he made me sit on the edge of the bed. He pulled my panties but left my skirt on. He began to eat me under my skirt. It was the first that someone licked my pussy because my boyfriend wouldn’t want to. Damn! That was one an hell of experience! In return I gave him a great head while he was finger-fucking me. Banging sex ensued—I used everything I learned from my boyfriend on him. It was one of my greatest sex encounters! Oh, and I forgot—it was my boyfriend’s room and all the time he was in the closet, watching a live show.