Weighed down

A girl calls a pharmacy and asks if she needs an infant scale to weigh a baby. The clerk explains that many women figure out an infant’s weight by weighing themselves while holding the baby on an adult scale, then the mother weighs herself alone and subtracts the second amount from the first. “Oh, that won’t work,” replies the girl. “I’m not the mother—I’m the aunt.”

Best friends with benefits

James is my best friend since college and we’ve been sharing an apartment since. He is cool and nice and we’ve had some steamy encounters together so let us say we’re best friends with benefits. Then I met Christian and we started dating. He is as cool and as wild as James. The three of us became inseparable. One time while watching porn Christian and I started making out in front of James and then James eventually joined us. For some time it became a regular thing between the three of us. Then came Marie, James’ new girlfriend who happened to be my batchmate in high school. The group eventually grew into a foursome and sometimes when the boys are out Marie and I experimented with each other. Now Marie and I are conspiring to have the boys experiment with each other, too! It’s great to have a relationship and friendship all in one package sharing one common passion—sex.

Bus ride to sweet heaven

To pass traffic time on the bus, my boyfriend and I exchanged jokes when he accidentally brushed me in a sensual way. With the touch of his hand, I was immediately turned on. I asked him to work his fingers in me. He started slow, but already I was moaning. When he reached from below, I was so wet and hot because it was the first time we’d done such a thing in public, on a bus!

As I was having my second orgasm, the conductor approached us and asked where we were headed. With one hand in my pussy, my boyfriend answered. He removed his other hand to grab his wallet and pay our fare. Noticing that the paper bills were sticky, the conductor said, “Biyaheng langit, ah!” He left us with a smirk on his face. 

Woot-woot!

The nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation, and every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time this happens, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, “May I please use the restroom?” The bartender replied, “OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.” “Well, in that case, I’ll just look the other way,”said the nun. So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant. After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.She went to the bartender and said, “Sir, I don’t understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?” “Well, now they know you’re one of us,” said the bartender, “Would you like a drink?” “No thank you, but, I still don’t understand,” said the puzzled nun. “You see,” laughed the bartender, “every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?” 

Older woman drives kid wild

I’m 26 but I always enjoy flirting with high school boys, as I know they can’t resist my charm and the thought of banging an “older” woman like myself. One time, I was waiting for my “friend” in a coffee shop in Katipunan. It was supposedly his 18th birthday so I promised to give him something special. He was really cute—mestizo, toned body for a boy, plus his uniform made him look yummier. He drove me to my house in Pasig and on the way there, I caressed his inner thigh, making his leg and everything else stiffen. Once we reached Libis, I pulled his zipper and bent down to suck his young, hard dick. I told him not to stop driving as I proceeded to lick his balls all the way up the length of his dick, as his right hand blindly pleasured my nipples. He moaned loudly and when he came in my mouth, I sat up to see that we were about to enter a drive-in motel! “Kaya mo pa ba?” I teased him. What followed were three incredibly unforgettable wild rounds. Not bad for my kid brother’s kabarkada. 

International Playgirl

I visited my partner who lived abroad, you might think I’m the ultra-liberal type because I have a foreigner boyfriend—but no, I consider myself shy when it comes to sex. But that all changed on my first evening in his turf. One night we were on our way to a restaurant for dinner, a good 30-minute drive from his place. But that night’s traffic was rather heavy. To pass time, my partner slyly suggested we do something. He then began to slowly run his hand up my knee, until he reached my silk panties. He pulled aside the thin piece of material that separated his fingers from my already swollen clitoris. Starting slowly, he then finger-fucked me faster and faster. All this time we were not moving and although I was very aroused I still noticed the strange looks we were getting from the other’s stuck on traffic (we were quite conspicuous—he drives a Hummer!).But the thought of being seen aroused me even more, so when my partner told me to take off my panties I did it eagerly. Both my feet were now on the seat with legs wide open, I remember thrusting and heaving my body to my partner’s continual deep-fingered penetrations until I couldn’t hold on any longer. With one foot now on the windscreen I screamed with passion as I came; I didn’t care if I could be seen or heard. A week later I repaid him on the way home, only this time using my mouth. 

Chick ends lad�s 20-year-drought

I managed to get close to a former schoolmate through texting. We’d exchange mushy stuff, but he would also send me nasty messages each time he got drunk—and that’s how I found out he was a 20-year-old virgin, or at least claimed he was. The thought of him being an ignoramus on sex made me hatch a plan to, well, pop his milk carton. One day, I insisted on hanging out at his apartment (he was alone). With the two of us locked up in his room, I sensed that he really was telling the truth about his virginity since he didn’t look to be making any first moves. I made a joke about pinching his dick and, sensing that he was getting the signal, gave him a lingering kiss. I went on top of him and asked if he wanted a blowjob. He said yes. I gave the best head I could for as long as I could. After it, he asked me—how cute when he said it!—“Ano na gagawin ko? Di ko alam gagawin ko…” What a virgin! Too bad I was on “red alert” status so we couldn’t go all the way. So as not to spoil his fun, I gave him yet another super blowjob. It took me only three minutes to pop his load on me. Later, he said it was the best birthday gift he had ever received—turned out it was his birthday the next day. We’re looking forward to the post-birthday nookie.